I am struggling with how much to share here about everything that’s going on. I’m not sure what would be appropriate and what I should keep to myself. So, I’m going to just start writing, and whatever comes out, comes out, and I hope that everyone who is reading this can try to understand and view it with compassion.

As most of you know, Wes’ father and I are recently divorced. I’m not going to get into the particulars of that situation, but I want to explain that we are doing our very best to remain friendly and to keep our kids out of the middle of our issues. All of the kids were given the choice to live wherever they want to be. Wes chose to live with Cody (his father)-the idea of changing schools (to a much larger school district) and having to make new friends really scared him, so it’s completely understandable that he wanted to stay with what is familiar. He has good friends and I love the people of Sugar City, so I’m grateful he has this place to keep stability in his life. The other three kids live primarily with me. All of the kids are free to visit Cody or myself whenever they want, barring issues with school, etc. Since we only have two children who are legally minors, they are the only ones we’ve legally addressed visitation and such with.

Recently, Wes asked to stay with me while he undergoes treatment right now, which made me so happy. As his mother, it’s really difficult for me to not be able to see him daily and help him through this process. He may want to go back with Cody at some point, and that will be totally fine; we’ll make that happen. For now, though, I am enjoying having my boy with me and being able to care for him as best I can.

All of that being said, I am now a single mother of four children. I currently work at three jobs, not because I love working, but because it’s my job as a mother to care for my children to the best of my ability, and this is what I need to do to do that. I work full-time for Mountain View Hospital as an Informatics Specialist, I teach part-time at BYU-Idaho, and I’m a Service Coordinator for adults with disabilities. Additionally, I’m one year into a doctorate program in Education. As you can imagine, I have a lot going on basically all the time. If I had my dream job, it would be to stay home with my kiddos, but that just isn’t possible, so I can sit around and whine about it, or I can pull up my boot straps and get to work. I’ve chosen the latter (with occasional bouts of the former, if I’m being completely honest). However, even with all of these jobs, it has been difficult to make ends meet when I have had to miss work to go to Salt Lake and pay for the gas and food, etc. that travel involves. And wouldn’t you know, people still expect their bills to be paid i.e. rent, utilities, etc! The NERVE! 😉

I have been struggling financially, and I haven’t known what else I could do to ensure ALL of my kids have their needs met. This week has been a week of miracles. On Monday, I received a phone call from the HR department and Mountain View. To preface this, I have only worked for this organization for a couple of months; not long enough to have accrued enough PTO to be helpful with our current situation. The call from HR was to inform me that one of my co-workers, who wishes to remain anonymous, has donated 100 hours of PTO to me!! WHAT?! I was floored! I can’t believe someone who has known me for a handful of weeks would be so generous! I am so grateful to whomever this person is; the relief of the stress that this gesture has had for me is huge! I didn’t even know I was carrying this worry until it started to dissipate. So, thank you, to whoever you are.

Then yesterday, Wesley’s school secretary called me and said they had held a fundraiser, and she wanted to figure out a way to get that money to me. The resource officer from his school ended up driving all the way down here to bring Wes some gifts as well as to bring us the money from the fundraiser. Again, this was another miracle and a literal answer to prayers! With all of the financial demands that I’ve had, my checking account was significantly overdrawn. The amount of money that was raised not only covered what I was under, but there was a little left over to help with our next trip to Salt Lake for his treatment next week. I am still overwhelmed by people’s generosity. Thank you to everyone who was willing to sacrifice your finances to help with ours. It was another HUGE weight off my shoulders.

Additionally, my bosses at all of my jobs have been more than understanding with what is happening. They have all gone out of their way to make it possible for me to continue working and earning income while I’m not physically in the area. Mountain View has loaned me a laptop that I can use to work remotely while we’re in Salt Lake. BYU-Idaho has allowed my TA to cover for the days I’m not there to teach (thankfully, with Wes’ current treatment schedule, that will only be a few days the entire semester). Van Wagoner Consulting, for whom I do service coordination, has helped me to ensure that I’m able to contact my clients over the phone and still help them to obtain the services that they need as well. I am fully aware that none of these organizations are required to work with me, and I have worked for organizations who wouldn’t have been nearly as accommodating. I am so grateful that this will allow me to continue to care for my family to the best of my ability (which is far from perfection) while also being able to care for Wes and just be his Mom.

The final miracle that has occurred is that I have seen Wes turn a corner and finally start to be my old Wes again. Yesterday afternoon (after he received the visit from his school resource officer-I believe that isn’t a coincidence), Wes ate an entire Big Mac meal, and kept it all down! He’s starting to become more active and animated, and sleep less. It’s wonderful to see. I am so grateful for this change, and that he can feel relief from the pain he has been in.

In conclusion, one of the effects of working in healthcare is that I have lost whatever filter I ever had; I talk about things that make most people cringe, and I don’t give it another thought. While this has always been a struggle for me, it’s become worse since being in healthcare, where conversations of bowel movements, blood and vomit are everyday and don’t cause me to bat an eye. I hope that sharing all of this is not more than I should have. I want this space to be about Wes and his journey, not about me and mine. I just felt that some of these things needed to be acknowledged and briefly explained, and I wanted to make sure that I document the blessings that have occurred as well, and to express my gratitude for them. I know that there are difficult times ahead, and I want to be able to look back and remember when we felt relieved and grateful, to help Wes and our other kids to remember the good things that have come out of his diagnosis through the difficulties that he and they are going to have in the next few months.